Unusual Rant

This is an outrage. It has been days since I have updated my blog. I have been posting the Titles everyday but never had anything written in it. ***groaning***

Never realized this is going to be hard. I thought writing what you think will be so simple. I mean, I talk a lot anyway. So writing should be a breeze... NOT!

Topics are becoming more personal, or at least personal to me. It is hard to let yourself out there for the whole world to read. Not ready for that, I guess. Still need to make my thoughts and my writing more generic. :P

The Truth: Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Refer to:  The Truth: Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I don't think i need to explain anymore why. It's basically self explanatory. But should you want more details, you can go to The Truth: Day 10- Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn’t Know.

You probably have figured out why by now.

The Truth: Day 20 - Your Views On Drugs And Alcohol

Like any known diseases, there are cures. Cures that often require help from wonder drugs, alternative or conventional. And we cannot deny its effect. You can call that pseudo effect but still, the drugs helped you at least lessen the pain and make you feel more comfortable. As for alcohol, one to two shots I guess is fine.

In the end, we know that anything excessive is bad. It is us who abuses these products (as you may say). These products are here for consumption, entertainment and for better life. Abusing these products could result to even more problems instead of cures and a bit of entertainment.

The Truth: Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Whoever you are, whatever you do, no matter how hard you try to escape it, people will still look for something to believe into. You may declare your atheist, you do not have religion. But more likely, there is something you believe in... It may not be God, but something.

What do I think of religion?

Regardless of what your religion is, religion for me is what gives you direction as to how you worship, who are you worshiping, and what your worship is about. It gives you guidelines, set of rules. And although most of them are basically hard to understand, it matters because without rules, its chaos. And without doctrines and beliefs, who exactly are we worshiping that is worth worshiping?

What do I think about politics?

I consider myself apolitical. I never really liked politics, because of the politicians. I know no one is perfect but with all the scandals they got involved in, it loses my confidence in politics.

We need government, whether we like it or not. These sets of rules are made to make our society a peaceful, united community and united people. These rules are implemented in order to manage people, an institution and organization.

It is sad that the government and politics are stained because of lousy politicians and their corrupt mentality. If they only have their goals and their objectives in mind and the people cooperate, our community, our world would not be as chaotic as it is now.

As for politics and religion, the rules set by politicians are based from what the religion and God had set. I hope that eventually, all of us cooperate and unite to achieve our societal and governmental goals.

The Truth: Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage

Whoever we are, whatever your preference, we are all allowed to love. It may not be conventional or acceptable to others, but loving someone isn't a crime.

Whatever my views are with gay marriage, one thing is for sure, if you love someone fight for it. As long as you're not hurting anyone, go ahead.

Do I need to say anything more?

The Truth: Day 17 - A book you’ve read that changed your views on something

Kindly refer to:
Day 16: A Book You've Read that Changed your views on something

Nuff said. :) 

The Truth: Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without

I don't know. I guess NONE. If I have a connection with someone, like we bonded, it's always hard to let go. The same with things. If it is something that had value to me, I couldn't let it go.

I could probably go without coffee for weeks or months for that matter. I am not a coffee addict so it's not a loss for me. I can do without certain delicacies because I am a very picky eater.

Not really the thought that I want to convey, but that's exactly what's on my mind at the moment. There is nothing that I could live without. Nothing I want to let go. Everything is special. :)



Sorry.. too short.

The Truth: Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Yeah, I'm kind of shallow. I'm not active either so I often spend most of my time watching TV or internet surfing. I know, not exactly a way to live and spend your waking hours. But that's the routine. I wake up, work, surf internet, go home, watch TV, sleep - the usual routine. I do go out occasionally when someone invites me. But if there's not a need to go out, I'm just at home. I kind of like it.

So I can honestly say that I cannot live without my computer, an internet connection and a television. Of course, there are still the needs like food, shelter, security and everything. But other than those, the most superficial things that I cannot live without are the internet, computer, cellphone (considering I am not fond of texting and calling), and the TV.

As for someone, I cannot live without my family. Awww... I love them. Although we live apart, especially now, I still feel we are together. I cannot live without friends. Not just any friend, FFFRRRIIIEEENNNDDSSS.... well, no one is an island. I tried not being open with anyone. Tried not making friends or not having deep connections with friends, didn't like it. I still made friends and really close ones.

It took me a while to wake up and grow up. I guess growing up will happen whether you like it or not. It's only a matter of time.  Crossing my fingers!!!!

The Truth: Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I don't have a hero but there is someone i look up to that had let me down.

In light of what i feel for you, I dedicate these songs to you:











I'm so sorry...

I promised to write 250-words.. A song probably has more than that. They clearly state what i feel and I guess, this is it. I can't face it but we can't delay the inevitable. :(

The Truth: Day 13 - A Band Or Artist That Has Gotten You Through Some Tough Ass Days. (write a letter.)

I am not very particular with bands nor artists. I do have favorites but I having nothing particular. I just like them all. I do not pay attention with the artists or band, just the songs.

So, this part is hard. I do not know whom to address my letter. A band or artist who has helped me through some rough ass days, hmmm? :P

Should there be one, which one will it be? and I don't know what to say. I'll probably be one of the groupie who would follow them around, mesmerized, tongue-tied and just deeply looking at them. Or it could be like I don't know them at all or would be like "yeah, I know them.. so what?" LOL! Cool!

So my letter to them:


Dear my favorite band or artist:


You may have gotten tons of fanmails and thank you notes from all admirers and aspiring artists that imitates you. Regardless, I just want to let you know how much your music had mean to me. You inspire me to hold on, move on and be in-control. Your music had gotten me through my rough ass days and I have learned a lot.

I hope you will still be able to make such beautiful, inspiring music. I also hope that more people be inspired to it as it had inspired me. Thank you. No words can express my deep appreciation. 

Sincerely,
Bebekoh



Well, I have a lot of favorite artists and bands so I can't exactly tell which one is my most favorite and which one had gotten me through some rough ass days. I'll just make it general. :)

The Truth: Day 12 - Something You Never Get Compliments On

Hmmm... I admit there are just some things that I do not know and I do not care to know. There are also some things I know that I just kept to myself - selfish. Usually, I never get complemented with my looks, personality, and my intelligence? (am i?).. LOL!

I get the occasional remarks like, you're so smart and you look nice.. "Nice!" and "Smart" nothing else. Might as well say, you're average, which is what I am. Not that I have anything against average. I have always been average. Well, I am not the prettiest nor the most beautiful.  I am also not the smartest nor the most intelligent, so its better than nothing. :)

I also never get complimented about my singing voice (like I have). Again, there goes the occasional, "you sound good". There goes my singing career! hahaha! :))

I never really pay attention to complements. In fact, I think it’s our culture that made us modest and not take complements. Everybody loves flattery (who doesn’t). Everyone wants to get praises and complements. But whenever I get complements, I feel like I’m being conceited. When being acknowledged for a job well done by my superiors, I feel that I don’t deserve them.

If I do something, I do not expect complements. If I get it, thank you. If not, it’s all part of the job. So for those who feel like complementing this blog, thank you. If not, thanks for dropping by. At least I know I’m not talking to myself.

The Truth: Day 11 - Something People Seem To Compliment You The Most On

I have previously posted what I think people compliment me on. Honestly, I really have no idea. I think it is better to ask the people who are close to me or the people I deal with everyday. 

They would probably give you a better description of what I actually do best because I can't figure it out. The most certain is whenever I do something, I try to give my best, regardless whether I like the job or not. It's not about the job. It's about me. I know it sounds selfish.

Just to give a glimpse of myself:

I  know I cant please everybody, that’s why i never tried. But whatever I do, I always do my best, even if it means doing something I don’t like. Why? Because it reflects me. I like pretty things, being organized, being in control. I always want to be perceived as someone who knows what to do and do it best. You don’t have to love your job, you just have to love yourself! 

and here:

Day 11: Something about which people seems to compliment you.

I think that's enough. :)

The Truth: Day 10- Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn’t Know

I can't explain why I need to let go of a person from a third person perspective. So just imagine me writing a letter to the one I need to let go... and here goes:

-------

Dear You:

I need to let go of you. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you. You have helped me through rough times in my life and I truly appreciate what you did for me. Things haven't come easy. And, the harder we try, the more I know that things really aren't suppose to be.

I never wished not knowing you. I have loved you so much but I do not think it would be enough for me to consider being with you. It hurts. Everytime I realize that, everytime I think about it, it makes me cry. I have been paralyzed. I denied it. I rationalized it but at the end, the answer is still the same.

You have no idea how much I've prayed for things to work out. I have prayed so hard that things will come back again, things will be the same again. I have become another person and I know you did too. Distance had made me stronger.  It had made you vulnerable, however.

I wanted so badly to be you. I never wanted it to end this way. I prayed for my fondness to return, for the feelings to return. When it did, it is short-lived.

You have to understand whenever I am with you, I am genuinely happy. I never wanted the moment to end. But reality is a bitch. Our life isn't bed of roses and the longer I deny, and prolong my delusion, it will still spell "the end". I am truly sorry.

I wish you happiness. I wish you love. I wish for everything you need to be brought to you.

Sincerely,
Bebekoh

P.S. I am still praying for us.

The Truth: Day 09 - Someone You Didn’t Want To Let Go, But Just Drifted

No one likes goodbyes further more, no one wants to drift apart. Every relationship I had I have cherished whether it is short-lived or life-long. I always appreciate my friends and I often (not all the time) listen to their advice.

People have come and gone in our lives and changed it. I like that they are still out there and know that I am still here for them should they want to regain our relationship.

There maybe a couple of people who I wish I was still friends with, but they chose (not me) to just let it go. I do not know their intentions nor the reasons, we just grew apart. And I have tried to reconnect with them. I looked for them on facebook, asked around about them, tried once or twice to send them an email but with no reply. I just think they're all busy. But I guess it was meant to be.

No matter what I know I'll always remember them. They have made an impact in my life and that's basically what everyone wants in this world. To matter, to make an impact to someone. And I do hope, I have made an impact on them too.

Goodbyes are part of our lives. It's inevitable. It just hurts and that's probably why I do not like goodbyes... only see you later. I do hope to see them all again and let them know how much their friendship mean to me. I hope God oversees them. I pray for their successes, for protection and for blessings to shower over them. And, I'll see you later.

The Truth: Day 08 - Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, Or Treated You Like Shit

I am going to skip this one out. That should be a good thing. No one treated me like shit or made my life a living hell as I didn't allow it to happen to me. I used to just keep my feelings to myself and not talk about it. I always try to be in other people's shoes and think of how hurtful words can be.

Unfortunately, you get passed by and taken for granted if you don't talk. I learned now that you can still say what you want without being rude. I never really believed in treat others the they treat you. LOL! Being diplomatic has its perks. People notice you, they respect you, and they listen. 

Of course, being human makes me vulnerable to outburst which is apparently quite often than i thought especially during that time of the month. It is hell!

So for someone who treated me like shit or made me think that life is hell, I'll pray for you. I would rather be alone than be with someone who made me feel stupid and that I wasn't worth it. Like I'm imperfect and that I was not enough. At the end of the day, I've proved that I am worthy, and I am enough. I do not need someone like that in my life and that I can do it on my own. As a matter of fact, my life has a clearer perspective when I got rid of you. Think of it this way, it's your loss, not mine. My bad... :P

The Truth: Day 7 - Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

Honestly, I would say "Jesus Christ" made my life worth living for. I know, it's such a cliché but that's what I truly feel. Never have I ever thought of suicide nor thinking of giving up as like what I keep saying in previous posts, I know that things will eventually fall into place and things will work out okay if you let God be in control.

I know it is hard to lose control and to have someone else do it for you. But at the same time, it's refreshing. Thinking and knowing that someone will take care of you, will never let you down, will always be there for you, accepts who you are, who wouldn't want that?

I love that I can depend on my God for everything. It may not be acceptable for others and they would probably think I am crazy, but my faith is what kept me sane. If it weren't for my experience with God, I would probably have given up already. My problems may not be considered big compared to others but this isn't a contest and each one of us has a battle to face.

But my God is bigger than any problems. This thought, this philosophy, this faith in a Higher being allows me to sleep better at night and not to think too much of the future. God will never abandon us. He will be faithful to complete His works in you. So even if you set Him aside, brush Him off, ignore Him, He will still be there whenever you need Him. Knowing that my God loves me so much even if sometimes, no – often times, I take Him for granted makes me feel that everything will be okay, and life is worth living for.

The Truth: Day 6 - Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I never really thought this through. I always think about what I have to do but never thought about something that I hope I will never do.

Everyone has goals. Everyone has dreams. Nobody wants nightmares. I consider hoping not to do something a nightmare. Only fear limits us into doing something that we do not want to do.

So I would say the thing that I fear the most is the unknown. And what I hope would never do is, be in a situation where I can't get out - being trapped, being contained, feeling so unhappy. I can say, I would be thinking of a great escape but just in case it wouldn't happen, I will still hope that I could get out of it eventually.

My fears are actually what paralyze me. And I fear that I will never find my happiness. Things I am hopeful for are the things that I have listed on the previous post. My Hope is to get to do all of those things.

I always think that fears can be overcome. Unfortunately for me, it is not something that I look forward to doing. And maybe that is what I hope I do not get to do - facing my fears. Everyone will do it eventually. It may not be today, but I think time will come when everyone has to face their fears.

I do wish I will not do what I am thinking right now. I am not suicidal, that’s not what I was thinking. But my decision will impact my life and it scares me. I just hope someone will forgive me and I hope to be happy someday.

The Truth: Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.

I usually have goals. I don’t know why but I consider myself a planner. I always look at the future and the big picture. I often worry about what would happen a month from now, 6 months from now, next year or in 5 years time.  Some goals are actually quite expensive. Others are just needs.

If there is something I ever hope to accomplish in my life, these are:

-         Have my own home.

A house and lot to be exact. The thing that I have my eye on is in the price range of 1 Million to 3 Million pesos. And if I am ever going to buy it now, it only means, most of my savings and salary will go there as premium payments. Meaning no traveling, no non-sense purchases and no more shopping (or at least, I can only buy the things that I really, really need – nothing else). But this is something I have to think through. Do I really need a home now or not?

-        Traveling.

I have always wanted to travel. I never got the chance because I am scared, as I have indicated in my previous post. I just want to do it while I still can and I can still afford it.

-        Study.

Studying for me is fun. It may be boring for others and stressful, but it is something I kind of look forward into doing again. I’ll probably take up master’s degree.

-         Be a preacher.

I always see myself in the pulpit or teaching others. I probably not have the gift  of preaching  though. Besides, there maybe another way to praise, please and serve God. If God allows it, I know He will find a way to guide me to becoming a preacher.

-        A teacher.

I wanted to teach. Nuff said.

I hope I get to do all of these. :)

The Truth: Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Depending on what you did, I can be lenient or unforgiving when it comes to mistakes. Most of the time, I let things pass when someone does something that I think is really inappropriate and hurt me. But if it is something extreme, I almost never forget. And whenever I am reminded of those faults, all the bitterness, all the anger comes back to me.

There are people who have hurt me. I can’t say I haven’t forgiven them because I do not hold grudge anymore. I probably already have forgiven them. It is true what they say forgive them to make yourself feel better. The more you hold grudge, the more bitter you are. I do not want to live a bitter life.

Just think, if God who has no sin has forgiven us, why can’t we forgive others? Move on. Whatever it is that other people had done to you, forgive them. God is just and will give you what you deserve and what they deserve as consequences to all our deeds.

God is not blind. He sees our sufferings, our sins and everything that is hidden, even things that you’ve been kept for a long time. He knows your thoughts.

Maybe instead of thinking what others have done to you, think about what you have done to others. Have you ever hurt anyone deliberately? Unintentionally? Is it something extreme? Are you vindictive? Always vengeful? If you are, think for a while. Is it worth hurting others? Did it make you feel better? Is it forgivable?

I know that whatever our mistakes or other people’s mistakes are, it is nothing compare to what we did to Christ. Keep forgiving for that’s what the bible says.

The Truth: Day 3 - Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I've done a lot of mistakes in the past. I mean, really big ones. But it is not something I have regretted doing. If there ever is one, it is mine to face. I have to accept the consequences and move on.

As much as possible, I try not to dwell on my mistakes. It just paralyzes me. I do need to forgive myself everytime I consciously make a mistake. I try to give all of my burdens to the Lord and let him do His wonders in it. As I have said in my previous post, I know everything will work out and things will eventually fall into place.

Who doesn’t make mistakes? It is not how you fall but how you rise that matters. Most of the mistakes I have made are rather embarrassing and something that I do not want to share. But if there’s a lesson I have learned from it, is to think things over and over and over before making a life-altering decision. Pray constantly for God’s wisdom and guidance. And listen to that little voice inside your head. If you feel and hear that there is something, there must be something. I often follow my instinct but at that time, I have rationalize things and acted impulsively.

Do I regret it? Yes. But can I take it back? I doubt it. It is something that I need to constantly pray about and accept the consequence. I am really trying so hard to forget it. That’s what I need to forgive myself for. I haven’t thought about something through and that I have to accept the consequence of my action. I know God will guide me so I will let Him do His wonders in me.