The Truth: Day 7 - Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

Honestly, I would say "Jesus Christ" made my life worth living for. I know, it's such a cliché but that's what I truly feel. Never have I ever thought of suicide nor thinking of giving up as like what I keep saying in previous posts, I know that things will eventually fall into place and things will work out okay if you let God be in control.

I know it is hard to lose control and to have someone else do it for you. But at the same time, it's refreshing. Thinking and knowing that someone will take care of you, will never let you down, will always be there for you, accepts who you are, who wouldn't want that?

I love that I can depend on my God for everything. It may not be acceptable for others and they would probably think I am crazy, but my faith is what kept me sane. If it weren't for my experience with God, I would probably have given up already. My problems may not be considered big compared to others but this isn't a contest and each one of us has a battle to face.

But my God is bigger than any problems. This thought, this philosophy, this faith in a Higher being allows me to sleep better at night and not to think too much of the future. God will never abandon us. He will be faithful to complete His works in you. So even if you set Him aside, brush Him off, ignore Him, He will still be there whenever you need Him. Knowing that my God loves me so much even if sometimes, no – often times, I take Him for granted makes me feel that everything will be okay, and life is worth living for.

The Truth: Day 6 - Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I never really thought this through. I always think about what I have to do but never thought about something that I hope I will never do.

Everyone has goals. Everyone has dreams. Nobody wants nightmares. I consider hoping not to do something a nightmare. Only fear limits us into doing something that we do not want to do.

So I would say the thing that I fear the most is the unknown. And what I hope would never do is, be in a situation where I can't get out - being trapped, being contained, feeling so unhappy. I can say, I would be thinking of a great escape but just in case it wouldn't happen, I will still hope that I could get out of it eventually.

My fears are actually what paralyze me. And I fear that I will never find my happiness. Things I am hopeful for are the things that I have listed on the previous post. My Hope is to get to do all of those things.

I always think that fears can be overcome. Unfortunately for me, it is not something that I look forward to doing. And maybe that is what I hope I do not get to do - facing my fears. Everyone will do it eventually. It may not be today, but I think time will come when everyone has to face their fears.

I do wish I will not do what I am thinking right now. I am not suicidal, that’s not what I was thinking. But my decision will impact my life and it scares me. I just hope someone will forgive me and I hope to be happy someday.

The Truth: Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.

I usually have goals. I don’t know why but I consider myself a planner. I always look at the future and the big picture. I often worry about what would happen a month from now, 6 months from now, next year or in 5 years time.  Some goals are actually quite expensive. Others are just needs.

If there is something I ever hope to accomplish in my life, these are:

-         Have my own home.

A house and lot to be exact. The thing that I have my eye on is in the price range of 1 Million to 3 Million pesos. And if I am ever going to buy it now, it only means, most of my savings and salary will go there as premium payments. Meaning no traveling, no non-sense purchases and no more shopping (or at least, I can only buy the things that I really, really need – nothing else). But this is something I have to think through. Do I really need a home now or not?

-        Traveling.

I have always wanted to travel. I never got the chance because I am scared, as I have indicated in my previous post. I just want to do it while I still can and I can still afford it.

-        Study.

Studying for me is fun. It may be boring for others and stressful, but it is something I kind of look forward into doing again. I’ll probably take up master’s degree.

-         Be a preacher.

I always see myself in the pulpit or teaching others. I probably not have the gift  of preaching  though. Besides, there maybe another way to praise, please and serve God. If God allows it, I know He will find a way to guide me to becoming a preacher.

-        A teacher.

I wanted to teach. Nuff said.

I hope I get to do all of these. :)

The Truth: Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Depending on what you did, I can be lenient or unforgiving when it comes to mistakes. Most of the time, I let things pass when someone does something that I think is really inappropriate and hurt me. But if it is something extreme, I almost never forget. And whenever I am reminded of those faults, all the bitterness, all the anger comes back to me.

There are people who have hurt me. I can’t say I haven’t forgiven them because I do not hold grudge anymore. I probably already have forgiven them. It is true what they say forgive them to make yourself feel better. The more you hold grudge, the more bitter you are. I do not want to live a bitter life.

Just think, if God who has no sin has forgiven us, why can’t we forgive others? Move on. Whatever it is that other people had done to you, forgive them. God is just and will give you what you deserve and what they deserve as consequences to all our deeds.

God is not blind. He sees our sufferings, our sins and everything that is hidden, even things that you’ve been kept for a long time. He knows your thoughts.

Maybe instead of thinking what others have done to you, think about what you have done to others. Have you ever hurt anyone deliberately? Unintentionally? Is it something extreme? Are you vindictive? Always vengeful? If you are, think for a while. Is it worth hurting others? Did it make you feel better? Is it forgivable?

I know that whatever our mistakes or other people’s mistakes are, it is nothing compare to what we did to Christ. Keep forgiving for that’s what the bible says.

The Truth: Day 3 - Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I've done a lot of mistakes in the past. I mean, really big ones. But it is not something I have regretted doing. If there ever is one, it is mine to face. I have to accept the consequences and move on.

As much as possible, I try not to dwell on my mistakes. It just paralyzes me. I do need to forgive myself everytime I consciously make a mistake. I try to give all of my burdens to the Lord and let him do His wonders in it. As I have said in my previous post, I know everything will work out and things will eventually fall into place.

Who doesn’t make mistakes? It is not how you fall but how you rise that matters. Most of the mistakes I have made are rather embarrassing and something that I do not want to share. But if there’s a lesson I have learned from it, is to think things over and over and over before making a life-altering decision. Pray constantly for God’s wisdom and guidance. And listen to that little voice inside your head. If you feel and hear that there is something, there must be something. I often follow my instinct but at that time, I have rationalize things and acted impulsively.

Do I regret it? Yes. But can I take it back? I doubt it. It is something that I need to constantly pray about and accept the consequence. I am really trying so hard to forget it. That’s what I need to forgive myself for. I haven’t thought about something through and that I have to accept the consequence of my action. I know God will guide me so I will let Him do His wonders in me.

The Truth: Day 2 - Something You Love About Yourself

What do I love about myself? I actually do not know. But if there is something that I am sometimes proud of, it is always looking on the bright side. I have managed to brush off things that bothers me and just put it aside. I always have a smile on my face, hiding exactly what I am feeling. Not that there is something major that makes me sad.

I love a good laugh. I mean, real, genuine laugh. I laugh out loud and my friends bare witness to my fondness of a good joke and laugh. My laugh is contagious. You cannot help but laugh whenever I laugh, even if what I'm laughing about isn't exactly funny. Get it? LOL!

See! Even in my posts I manage to have a laugh. And I love it about myself. I never really see things as burdensome. I worry but at the end of the day, I know everything will fall into place and everything will work out fine. That's just how I see things. I realized early that worrying wouldn't get you anywhere. I am fearful. That's why I am often contained. But I know I can overcome.

These perspectives, these philosophies is what I've lived by. I love that I get to know God and that I am experiencing His blessings, provisions, protection and joy.

I love that I am able to see things differently and take things lightly. If there are times that I worry, that's because its human nature and a natural reaction to obstacles. I just know things will work out okay. God will always be with me and He always make me feel alright. And I love that about myself.

The Truth: Day 1 - Something You Hate About Yourself

I must have written it several times now. And I have to admit that it has become tiring to keep repeating myself. But then, it is actually good to write it down. You find something to hate about yourself everytime you write it down and enumerate. I guess, for me, it has been consistent and I can see that my attitude has not changed. But I am working on it.

The thing that I hate about myself...hmmm....

-  well, there's my looks. I am not pretty, i do not feel pretty either.

-  I am a pathological procrastinator. I would keep putting things off until its about time and I'm cramming.

-  Then, there's this need to please everyone.

I may not only be the one who is struggling nor hating themselves over these. But this struggles are mine to face and to overcome. I have realized that I may never be able to overcome them but I know I can make a-peace with it.

For instance, beauty is skin deep (at least that's what I keep telling myself). Eventually beauty will fade. And God looks in the heart while man looks outwardly. I have accepted that I can never be a fashion model, nor a beauty queen but God gave me beauty, in my own little way. At least God will see the beauty in me.

As for the procrastination, I should manage my time more effectively. I can't keep procrastinating. Then, the need to please everyone, hmmm. I have realized that I can't make everyone happy. But if I know, I'm right. I will stand for it.

God didn't try to please everyone either. As a matter of fact, He had a lot of enemies plotting against him. Yet, still perfect and pure and sinless.

Whatever it is that I hate about myself, I will learn to love it eventually. I will eventually learn to overcome each obstacle and make a-peace with things that I can't overcome. I just need to be patient.

Another Challenge: The Business - Thirty Days of Truth

The challenge has now become a burden. It took me a while to finally have the motivation to write again. I just find myself completely blank whenever I face an empty Word Document.

I did try. I am still writing online for as an article writer but not as regular as I want it to be and not in my blog. I guess it become a burden when I realized I am writing something that is not me. That does not reflect me in any way. It is more now of a job than passion.

It wasn’t until a friend of mine took on the challenge and started writing about himself with the 30-day writing challenge. I guess, we all want competition and it motivates us to be the best. I am not saying I am nor am I trying to out-do him. As a matter of fact, I liked what he wrote. I just thought I need to write again, since someone is doing it, same as me.

I found Rebecca Smith’s The Business:  30 days of truth and posted it below. And the challenge for me now is to write the 30 days of truth from the topics draw from her site (Click Here to see topic). Although the topics were also from another site, it is something that everyone can draw inspiration to.

I pray now that I finish the task again. It felt really good to go through the task and finish the race. Nothing beats winning. I hope you go through the challenge with me. You can post your site and I will look at your blog. Regardless, this task is for me. And finishing it is my goal.

God be with me. :)