Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself

Dear Bebekoh,

Congratulations for sticking up with your writing. You have finally finished one. Keep it up.

Now that you have finished DanaCreative, you can start pursuing other topics. Keep in mind that what you are doing is to make yourself better in writing and also, to express your gratitude to God through writing. I know that you want to earn through writing and your time will come. Keep trying, keep writing.

God is always with you, every step of the way. Do not doubt yourself. When the trials come, always look upon the Lord and know that He will always be with you. There is nothing you can fear. You can make it all the way. You can succeed.

-       Try to share. What you have is from God. It is only fitting that you share. Remember what Mark Twain said:  "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you believe that you, too, can become great."

-       Strive to do your best always.

“Whatever you do, work it with all of your heart as working for the Lord, not for men because you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord God you are serving.” – Colossians 3:23-24

-       Appreciate what you have and know that God will provide.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

In everything that you do, always remember the Lord. Give praise and glorify Him. He will always be there wherever you are. Stay strong.

Love,

Bebekoh

Day 30: Someone in your family that mean so much to you

I do not want to be unfair but everyone in my family means so much to me. We are not expressive. We are not the touchy-feeling type of family but I am okay with that.

I come from a family of 5 composed of my parents and my 2 other siblings, a brother and a sister. You may say we are not close, but I know that when things get worse, I can rely on them. They will help me out, although, I do not want to be in trouble.

Among all of them, I would consider myself close to my mom. There are times where I just want to strangle her because she is getting on my nerves and I know that sometimes she feels that way towards me too. My dad was not around growing up but now we have a chance to be together, working together. I do not like the mushy moments though, but my dad is so sweet, even if I do not like it. Again, at the end of the day, we are family and we will stay that way forever.

My sister and I tend to be competitive. People tend to compare us. I sometimes feel that they favor her more than me. As we grow older, people, especially our relatives, tend to favor me more than her. I do not know why. Same with my brother, but sibling rivalry were never expressed with me and my brother.

I feel that regardless what people may think of us individually, who they tend to favor more or fond of more, it is still us. We are still family and we are stuck with each other. Every family has screw ups.

Right now, I can honestly say that I all of them mean so much to me.

Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life? (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)

I was always fascinated with reporters. I admire that they can execute factual information and that they get to be on TV. I already brushed the idea of becoming an actress. I know I am not that pretty, but who knows. LOL!  Still hoping.

I like that I get to be on TV even if it is just to convey something. I wanted to be popular. I tried to take Journalism as a major. That was before I graduated high school. I could have gotten the opportunity but I guess God wants me to take another course.

We are not that rich so I know that taking Journalism in a prestigious school is burdensome for my parents, especially with two more children who are also studying. So I ended up taking up business.

I did not regret taking up business. In fact, I enjoyed it. I like my classmates who are now my life-long friends, and still are. Besides, I realize that I can still do journalism, but not broadcast journalism. LOL!

I know now that Journalism does not have to be just on TV. The life of a broadcaster, reporter, and other shows are in their writers. So maybe, if my writing is impeccable and up to their standard, I may land a job on TV as a writer, researcher, editor, etc.

My dreams are just diverted. It became broader but it still directs me to my ultimate goal, which is to continually make myself better and write. I love writing and I see myself being a writer. I know, when time comes, I will become a professional writer, with God’s help , of course. :)

Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life? (What one great thing do you want to accomplish?)

I guess my biggest dream is to be rich. LOL! I mean, who does not want to be rich, being able to afford pretty much everything you like, travel around the world, and open a lot of opportunities.

There are so many things you can do but being rich kind of distracts you from what God wants you to do. I do not feel that it is bad to have something, pamper yourself once in a while, explore and travel. But I think if becoming rich has become your priority, then it becomes a problem.

Another ultimate dream I have is to work at home. I know! It is not easy. It sounds simple. But it is not easy. I like the idea that I get do still make a living even while at home. I do not want to commute everyday because it is stressful. I still get to be with friends and family, especially if I managed it properly, and I go to work even on house clothes.

I just want to support myself and my family while being with them. I know that working in an office setting also helps you and your family but I chose to be working at home, where for me, is quiet.

That is probably the reason why I like to write. I like the idea that I do something I am passionate about and make a living out of it. Again, I still have to establish myself as a professional writer but I am working on it. I know with God’s help, it will all fall into place. :)

Day 27: What is your vocation? (Why are you here on earth?)

I am still trying to figure out what is my purpose. I know that it has something to do with glorifying God, but how? I still have to figure that out. But until then, I am still working on glorifying God in my own way.

I guess all of us have that purpose, to spread the word of God, to have a deep relationship with Him and to worship Him with all our heart. We all have purpose. At the moment, I see myself helping out my parents, be actively involved in church and work.

Oh yes. I know that God gives blessings and provisions but it does not mean, we have to be in our bums and just wait for his blessings. It may apply to others who give their lives to the Lord but for us, we still need to work. Everything that we have, we must earn. God does not want us to be lazy. That is my opinion.

But for those who do his work, He always extends his providence. He will provide for them. I always complain how we do not have much money. But now, I realize everything we have is a blessing.

God gave us strength and health. We do not have any major diseases or illnesses, which is a blessing from the Lord, a real blessing. Health is wealth indeed. We always have food to eat and even more than we can have. We have jobs. I have traveled. It is a blessing. I am not saying others are not blessed but for me, these experiences are from the Lord and He is continually gives us His blessings and I love that He does that for us.

It is only fitting that my purpose is to continually serve the Lord to the best of my ability and to be able to be faithful to Him, and always seek for His wisdom. After all, He had always provided for us and have kept us safe.

Day 26: How do you handle / deal with both success and failure

Honestly, I do not know how to handle success and failure. I can only imagine being successful but I am not there yet.

As for failures, I have my share. I often try to forget my failures thinking it will go away. In the end, I should be thinking about the lessons from each failure, not the failure itself. Failures are part of life. Without it, we will not grow.

As for successes, I can only wish I am there. I do not consider myself successful yet. Success for me comes in achieving, for now, my immediate long term goal, and I have not achieved it yet.

My goal is to have my own business, write professionally, travel and have my own home.

-       I tried setting up a business, done it, not as successful as I want it but loved it and want to do it again.

-       Write professionally, I am currently writing in my blogs and in a couple of online writing sites. Maybe I should take more time into writing if I really want to do it professionally… lol! J).

-       Travel. Not traveled far yet. But I did. And I can say it is awesome.

-       Have my own home. This I think is the most difficult. I am currently deciding whether to buy a home or migrate. Right now, the option weighs more on the migration.

I may not know how to handle success and failures but in everything, I acknowledge the Lord. He gave the success to me and so are the failures. He can help me achieve my goals and lead me to where He wants me to go.

For He said:

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Day 25: Discuss something you planned that ended up not being what you expected

Something I planned that turned out not what I have expected… hmmm.

I guess my trips to Singapore and Thailand. I thought I need to have substantial amount of money to travel. I always see that going to another place would need money, money, and what else… oh right, money! Lol!

Before the trip, I had a lot of goosebumps. Being a planner that I am, I do not want anything to get screwed. I know that God will provide and God will be there with me but it is hard not to worry. I am going to be there on my own. I wondered what will happen to me. Carpe diem (seize the day!)

Singapore is an expensive city but I got around the city pretty much okay. I do not need to have substantial amount of money, but at least enough for me to get by. I made new friends and they actually accepted me and let me stayed in their home. Of course, in return for a favor, I gave them something.

Everything was well-thought of in Thailand. I organized everything online including my accommodation. Someone had managed to meet me in the airport so I do not need to worry about how I can get to the accommodation.  Thais do not speak English well. That is why there is a great need of English teachers who are also Native English speaker.

My plans did not turn out exactly as I expect them. I try to lower my expectations and let things flow. I had great fun without costing much. It is all in a matter of budgeting and just letting things fall into place. After all, God is in control. I loved what He gave me.

Day 24: Describe spontaneous moment in your life that turned out to be fantastic

I think it was more than a year ago, my mom got into a huge fight. Whenever I am angry, I try not to talk at all. So I gave her the silent treatment and so did she which lasted about a month, all of because of something petty.

Anyway, that month, I decided so badly to get out of their shadow, as in be on my own. Being the planner that I am, I do not want to go be spontaneous, so I planned my moves well. I thought I want to be anywhere but here. So I looked for jobs online. I was desperate. I wanted to go out the soonest possible time.

I then found the site for online TEFL course. I told myself “this is worth a shot, as long as I am out of here soon.”  In fact, I really wanted to get out so badly that anything will be okay for me.

Anyway, I enrolled in the online class. My mom saw me studying yet never asked. Again, the silent treatment. But before I even finished the course, my mom and I patched up. I finished the course within 2 months time from the enrolment and got a free additional online course (which is about a $100 value).

I finished that too and I have an option to do a teaching practice in Spain, Italy and Thailand. I chose Thailand because I do not need a visa to go there and it’s cheaper.

Turns out, the spontaneous thing is the most fun I had. I get to experience travelling, meet people from all nations, and gained the experience I needed. It may not be enough but at least I had what it takes (according to them).

Now I got a teaching certificate, fun experience and friends from all over the world. Thanks to that spontaneous event!

Day 23: Describe a truly spiritual moment in your life

Everyday is a spiritual moment for me. I know it is a cliché but that is how I feel. Everyday is a blessing. I may not realize it at that moment but it is. The fact that you are still breathing, alive, awake… it is a blessing and spiritual.

I have come to know God at a very early age. I may not have taken it seriously then but at least I come to know that God existed. Like I said in my previous posts, the fact that someone cares for you and would protect you from anything, would not harm you and will always be there for you, that is how God is introduced to me.

That God loves children… which He does, even those who are in their second childhood… LOL!

I have realized how important God’s role in my life is, when I was in college. We were left on our own. We were not abandoned but we just need to be. God has been in control. If not, we would have been astray for a very long time.

Although we were on our own, we have managed to finish our studies, find descent jobs and have made a career. All of us have eventually come together as a family and still is until now.

It may seem immature when a grown up still lives with his/her family but that is practically normal for us. And eventhough sometimes your family gets in your nerves, it has brought us closer. And above all, God is still in control.

Day 22: Describe a dark/turbulent moment in your life

I have my share of dark times and believe me, I sometimes just want to scream out loud and cry out to God to deliver me to such darkness. I am not a negative person nor am I a positive. But I try to be an optimist. I try to see the bright side to everything.

I try to forget the turbulent moments in my life. I do not even want to talk about it. I find that I do not want to dwell in the past yet I still live them. I just feel that past is something to be left behind. Learn your lesson and move on.

I believe the turbulence I have experienced is not the darkest. I actually think that if there is, it something that will be in the future. I just think that whatever I have, whatever happened to me, and whatever will happen to me, God is there.

I got through everything because of the strength He has given me and all that will happen to me, He will still be in control. I believe that God has made everything in my life easy. God made it easy and He will never give us problem we cannot solve. All we have to do is pray for His guidance and let everything fall into place.

I have cried out so many times. I have even probably have given up in certain problems. But problems are there to mold us. I guess no matter how I ignore, problems will still be there unless you face them. And it is with God that I was able to overcome all of my problems and all of my future problems.

Day 21: Write about your best friend (not significant other) and what makes them special

I rarely have friends. It is not hard for me to meet people. In fact, people are drawn to me. But only few would I consider my best friends, those that I share my secrets, whom I can always be myself and who could actually ride on my tantrums.

A few years ago, I chose not to open up with people I just met. People drawn to me find it easy for them to open up to me even with their inner most feelings. Unfortunately for me, it is not that easy. I chose not to open up, I chose to be quiet. So I truly value my best friends’ friendship and I intend to make our relationship lasts.

I cannot write what their names are but just a description of them.

1. My college friends and ‘pinas friends. Regardless of what group you belong to, once in the classroom, we are one big “barkada” – friends. We are all close and still in contact with each other. Some, I have lost touch with but others, oh yeah… still in contact. These friends of mine have been with me through the darkest days. They may not know it but they have always made my day. 2 of them are those that I treasure the most. I miss them and I love spending time with them.

2. Oman friends. Some have just been formed and from different nationalities. I love hanging around with them and I can be myself with them. I hope I get my message across. I do consider them special and that I will always treasure their friendship. I thank God for introducing us.

3. Phuket friends. We may not have spent incredible amount of time but I have loved the times we spend with each other. I really wish we will meet again.

Day 20: Describe your favorite movie and why it's so special to you

I do not have one, but several favorite movies. I am not a movie addict but I love watching movies. If there are movies that I consider my favorite, they are:

1. Monster’s Inc. – I love cartoons and animations. And Pixar has done its best when they have made and shown monster’s inc. I fell in love with the characters especially the cute little kid named BOO. It has no significance except for the entertaining nature of this movie. I just loved it.

2. Harry Potter Series – it is special because it is something my sister and I share. We both liked Harry Potter.

3. Shrek Series – the movie franchise that never cease to make me laugh. I loved the beginning but not so much as the end. I love the epilogues and the extra scenes they have at the end of the movies.

4. Toy story 3 – it reminded me of Thailand and how much fun I had when I was there.

5. Shaolin soccer – no matter how hard I try, this movie is incredibly hilarious.  I have seen it several times. Some have already been dubbed in English. Some scenes have been cut in another version. I fell in love with it the first time I have seen it. No cuts, no dubbing, just the subtitles and I am not surprised why people made it one of their all time favorite movie.

6. How to lose a guy in 10 days – I guess I am a sucker for romantic comedies.

Hope one of them is your favorite.

Day 19: Something that shook your belief system to its core (a big disappointment in your life)

Shook my belief? I do not think it is my belief that is shaken but my ambition. I guess I would say I am ambitious and that is my weakness. I always felt and believe that I can do something better. I can be better off. I could get better… meaning I deserve to have more.

Selfish? Maybe. Is it really bad to want something you know you could have if you worked hard for it? I do not want to be rich. I just want to live comfortably. It is disappointing if I put my trust in people and end up with nothing. No word of honor.

I tell myself if I want to accomplish something, I should do it and not depend on others. I have been doing that and procrastinating. Believed it so well, people think of me as someone who would go places, yet I get left behind. I can achieve something if someone will just support me.

Emotional support, I can have. Financial support, another question. It is something I have to work for, myself. Everything I have now, I have worked for. it I did not depend on others to do it for me. I hate it when people assume you are going to do something for them. They depend on others for emotional, financial and other aspect, they do not want to do it  for themselves anymore.

I guess the most disappointing moment for me is to realize I cannot depend on others, only myself. I am not greedy but having money motivates me to work hard to achieve my dreams. And that is what I am doing now.

Day 18: Someone you met randomly that's made an impact in your life

As you may have read, I am not much of an outgoing person. I would love to go travelling but it seems I enjoy being alone more than going outdoors. Having said that, there are few people I randomly met that made an impact in my life.

I do not get too close to people easily and I do not open up to them right away. I do not talk about my feelings. I do not know how to express them either. I just know that I have to let it out somehow. That may be the reason I write.

Anyway, as for the people I have met, they probably are the people I met in Thailand and had become my friends. I never expected to get close to them or had an instant connection with any of them. But we all got along just fine and we seemed to have known each other like forever. I never had a connection like that even with my classmates.

I do like the feeling of having friends from different places. It may not be as close as to what I have with my really, really close best friends, but it could develop to that if I let it. I thought I would be left out, an outcast. But they embraced my uniqueness and I do accept their uniqueness too. It is what got us interested with each other and what connected us.

Not being in my own country is scary. These people also felt what I have felt. Our connection made me feel that I belong and that they will be my friends. It may not be for a long time but I do know we are still going to be friends. J

Day 17: Someone with whom you shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of your life

When I was a freshman in high school, I have this friend.  He became my best friend. We had so much fun going to the church and actively participating in all the church youth activities. We were not the only one who is close, but our families too.

We got each other’s back. There were times when the whole congregation was against our families for some sort of a conflict but we stayed close.  We both got involve in relationships. When he started dating a friend, I suddenly became closer to his ex-girlfriend and then, afterwards, he started drifting away.

He became busy with school work and I was still involved with church and school activities. I do not know why and what happened. We just suddenly grew apart. He got involved with school friends and so was I. Most of our church friends also started going away and we have not been the same again.

I miss them. These friends have been with me through the worst and the best time of my high school / childhood days. I was not that close to anyone and I never got close to anyone the same as I have been with them.

But regardless, I know we are still friends. No matter where they are. I know that God keeps them safe and our families are in still in touch. We can always see each other soon as we fit in everybody else’s schedule. I wish to see them all again and get a chance to catch up with each other’s activities. J

Day 16: A Book You've Read that Changed your views on something

I am not really bookish. I am not fond of reading but I do read once in a while. And more often than not, I read mostly financial and business books. I do read fiction but not as often as I want to. Basically, I learn more reading non-fiction business and financial books than fiction, for obvious reasons.

I have a background in business and finance, so it is inevitable that I like to read those that I can understand. Fiction for me is something I read for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. I am not fond of self help books too. I do not want to be compartmentalized into something that I know I am not.

If there is a book that I would say shook my belief and views of something, it is the Bible. I guess not many people read it and I have to admit that I do not read them as often as I should. It shakes my beliefs and I feel such a sinner, that I am not worthy.

I see my inequities and that is probably why I do not read it as often as I should. But since the word of God is unchanging, I hang on to His promises which are in the Bible. Those I see as good, where actually bad. And the truth is, we can live fruitfully with God by our side.

Everyone seems to think that if you want to serve God, you should be poor. It is not necessarily poor financially, but for me, what it meant is that we need to keep longing for God’s presence in us and hunger for His word and promises, poor in heart for His blessings and provisions. That is what I understood.

Day 15: A Band / Musical artist whose music impacted your life

I love music. I love to sing. But I never paid much attention to the singers and the artists. I like listening to music, dancing through it, and singing with it.

I do not know why I never paid attention to the artists. Maybe because it disappoints me. There are so many artists trying to break into the music industry yet most of their careers are short-lived. They do not last long. They are either involved in some scandal, being chased after by paparazzi, or the last few singles they have really sucked.

I really love music and I love songs. Contemporary music became more of a hype just to keep up with the trend of current generation. The lyrics do not have anything valuable. Content itself is rubbish. That is just sad. After a few months of being in the charts, the song suddenly subsides and before you know it, people do not recognize the song anymore.

Probably the band that has a bit of an impact for me is the band U2. Again, I like music, not much of a rock person but there are few favorites now and then. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are also my favorite. And as for the artist, I like Eminem.

I have heard about the bands story. How they started, what have happened to them along the way, and how they got to where they are now. They pay much attention to the lyrics and the composition. They do not just play for the sake of playing.

I may not be paying much attention to the artist but I pay most of my attention to the song. The song has to be inspiring.  It should bring out the artists’ feelings. These artists’ songs are classic and brought impact to me. Why not pay attention to the lyrics and see what the song is really about. They may seem rubbish to you, but definitely not to me.

Day 14: Someone who has made your life worth living

Who do you think it is? Hmm… my parents, my siblings, my bf, my friends, and my God. Oh yes. No matter how hard I ignore, I feel God’s presence with me all the time. Knowing that God is within me and with me, I am never alone, and everything will eventually get back to normal.

If God is with you and within you, believe that He will give you strength.  Nothing can compare to Him. My problems seems so little compare to what he has provided for me. I know.  It is such a cliché. But that is how I feel.

I still worry. That our initial reaction. But God made my life worth living because He makes me feel safe. He gives me the solutions to my problems. I always come to Him whenever I have problems and a peace comes to me and I believe that everything will eventually fall into place.

Everything seems different when God is with you. It is not that you do not care about what is around you. You are actually more aware of what is happening around you, but with a different eye. You become more emphatic, more sensitive, more caring.  You see more of the good than the bad at any situations.

If God is with you, who could be against you. People may let you down but God does not. That is why I rely on Him. It is why my life is worth living, and the reason my life has a purpose now.

Day 13: Discuss some of the things on your bucket list

I try to keep my goals as simple and as realistic as possible. If I were to make a bucket list, I can honestly say I will not be able to do some of it. Like in the previous posts, I wanted to be brave. So I will try the extremes. I would like to do bungee jumping (which I almost did in Thailand. Unfortunately, none of my friends want to accompany me… They are all scared of heights). I also want to do banana boat ride, parasailing, go-cart racing, travel solo (country-hopping) and most of all be successful.

I know the last one is broad. I really do not know what to do to be successful but I am trying to do whatever I can now. I do not know exactly what career to take but life is full of trials and errors. So this career did not work out for me, maybe I can do better in another one. That is basically how I see things.

I always look on the bright side. I say that failures are actually little triumphs. Without failures, how will we know if the thing we chase is good for us or not. Our characters are shaped with failures. I do not consider them failures anymore. I always see the big picture. Everything I have done so far has brought me to a better and new me. I see the lessons each trials and mishaps bring.

I will try my best to achieve everything in my bucket list, one at a time. My bucket list so far is half full (or half empty). And I believe it will never be full.

Day 12: Something you hope to change about yourself and why

Hmmm....

People say that you have to be contended with what you have or was it make the best of what you have… something to that content. I do not know if it is applicable as people also generally are not satisfied with whatever they have. We always aspire for something we cannot have.

Anyway, if there is something I want to change about myself, given a chance, I would probably want to eliminate procrastination and fear. My procrastination is brought by my fears; fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of being unlikeable, fear of becoming unsuccessful, fear of being poor, etc. Irrational? Maybe, but those are my fears.

Who does not have fears? I bet it may not be the same as mine but we all fear of what is not known, of what we do not understand. I hope I can be brave. I want to change procrastination to being brave. I do not want to put things off anymore. I want to be free and chase my dreams.

It is simple, but not easy. Nothing in life comes easy anyway. I guess what I am saying is. It is never too late for me to take the step and do some work. I can eventually work on my procrastination and be brave once in a while. I can only take it one step at a time. Prioritize.

My fears will never go away but I know I will eventually overcome. I have done it before and I most certainly can do it again, with God’s help and blessings.