Unbelievable

I can't believe a year has passed and I have written about 81 posts here in the writing challenge... (excluding this one). A great wrap-up for the year.

The Lord really blessed me this year and I am so thankful for all that He has given me...

Thank you for those who stood by and read my posts... I know most of them are boring but thank you for taking the time anyway.. LOL!  Hope you still read my posts next year... see you around!

God bless and have a wonderful, blessed new year... Let's all welcome 2012 with thankful and praising heart.

NC22: Favorite City

Favorite City....

I haven't been that far, but I miss my home the most. So obviously, that's my favorite city...  MANILA.

http://flightsaustralia.com.au

NC20: Nicknames

Have you ever had nicknames? I don't. I am not actually fond of nicknames nor pet names. But my username is actually a pet name for me... anyway, that's another story.

I never had a nickname because when my friends try, I ignore them. I don't look even when they are already calling me... hahaha! Nicknames aren't my thing.

So I'll just look at the transitions of nicknames, at least in the Philippines:

NC19: Something you miss...

There are a lot of things I miss. Being in a foreign land, I can't help but compare my home country to the place I currently consider my home. There are a lot of things in the Philippines that I never get to do in here in the mideast, particularly here in Oman.

What I miss in the Philippines?

*  Street foods - siomai, fishball, squidballs, tukneneng, kwek-kwek, kikiam... although mideast has coffee, mishkak, and shawarmas everywhere, I would still love to see and eat the familiar street foods of 'pinas. It's just not the same.

NC18: Something you regret

I don't want to live my life full of regrets. I don't think I have done something that I would consider unrepairable (I don't even know if that's a word). In short, DON'T HAVE ANY REGRETS.

I did have problems before that I should not have done... yet! But I know I'll end up there eventually. I was just impatient and impulsive. I am reaping the consequences of my actions.

But those decision, whether good or bad, I've stuck on it. I faced the consequences and in the end, everything worked out okay.

NC17: Something you're looking forward to...

We all need something to look forward to. It gives us a sense of achievement and fulfillment. It motivates us to prepare, to work hard and achieve our goals. It also gives us direction. We all need it.

Anyway, what do I look forward to for the new year? I got a lot. My New Year's Resolution ended up being a Bucket list (LOL!) but at least, I have a goal and something to keep me occupied.

In no particular order, my goals:

NC16: Dream House

If you've  been reading my posts, one of my goals is to get rich. I know, sounds a bit obnoxious, annoying, even irritating. You've probably heard it over and over. Things like:  "I've been poor all my life and I don't want to be poor again".

I won't bore you into details but I do want to get rich. Rich in the sense that I live comfortably, able to retire early, have fun at what I do, have a beautiful house with my wonderful family and basically, have a comfortable, well-off life. (Still sound annoying).


If I were to  have a house, I can say that, right now, I just want something where I can be comfortable, have a work room, a room for my baby/ies, etc. where everyone can fit in.

NC15: Bible Verse

Having worked abroad for quite a while, I've finally accepted the fact that I cannot please everyone. There are times when I get so frustrated but I take work and family into consideration before making any harsh, rational or irrational decisions.

During the turbulent time of working in a company where I felt under-appreciated, over-worked and underpaid, all I depended on was the Lord. And the fact that I need to please Him and not man.

I remembered putting this verse on my phone and used it as a wall paper so I always remember God is in control and everything will work out okay.

NC14: A picture you love

I am not a photographer. I don't like taking photos nor taking my own picture. Not that I'm vain or anything, I just don't like taking photos.

But with these current challenges, it kind of forces me to take photos and say something about it, which is great but as the word "forced" mean, I don't exactly like it.

I only take pictures when I feel like it and most of the time, it's the people I am with that I take photos of, not the scenes.

NC13: Goals

I heard it incorrectly.  I thought I heard Gold... lol! Well, they sound similar. You could really get mixed up with the words.

Goals are set to give you direction. You need to have something to look forward to. Otherwise, you'll just wander around, working at something you don't like and not really lived your life to the fullest.

I try to make my goals as realistic and as achievable as possible (see here). Unfortunately for me, although I made them simple, I haven't attained most of it yet. :P

NC12: What you believe

I've written this down a year ago.. about my faith. This is what I believe in and will stick on it. Everyone has believed in something. It may not be God but everyone recognizes there is a higher being, far greater than us.

Whatever it is, I respect it... so I hope you respect mine.

Here is what I wrote:

NC11: Favorite TV shows

I'm a couch potato. Never let me sit in front of a TV. I will ignore everything else around me except the one I am watching.

I spend more time watching TV than reading. So whenever I get a chance, I'll read. But only for a few minutes, then back to TV again... Not much of an activity. huh?!

So, writing down my favorite TV shows, I don't know where to start. It's just too many. I'll just write down what's on top of my head or if I remember some more, then, I'll write it down again.

NC10: Something You're Afraid of (fear)

I don't have something. I have plenty of things to be scared of. Fear is normal. Fear is also constant. I can't overcome something I am not afraid of. That would just be silly.

Here are list of my rational and irrational fears:

1.  Fear of unknown. The best and most common fear. I admit, I have failed to try several things because of this fear. Questions like "what would I expect there?", "what happens if...?", etc. are just excuses. We can't overcome this fear if we don't try.

2.  Fear of becoming poor. I am not rich, nor are my parents. So I don't expect any inheritance from them. We just have enough to live by and to afford necessary and often, unnecessary needs. But the thought of not having money, or not being able to afford the necessities, scares me. I don't know why. I guess, that's why I work so hard and try to live the life I wanted.

3.  Fear of death. Death is inevitable. We will all die eventually. But the thought of dying right now, where I am unaccomplished, unsatisfied and discontent with my life, scares me. Makes me feel inadequate. That I don't have much time.

4.  Fear of rejection.  I don't want to feel unwanted and rejected.

5.  Fear of losing my faith.  Sometimes I feel that I have neglected my faith and that I have taken God for granted. Knowing that God is constant and that He will be faithful to me is my strength. Unfortunately, there are times when I feel that I don't feel God, that I don't need Him and I have taken Him aside. It scares me to come to a point when I lose my faith completely and I will never know who I am anymore.


There are even more fears that I haven't had the chance to write. I have never explored more of my weaknesses. I admit that these fears are what holds me back. I am scared to take risks that could be both fulfilling and uplifting. Maybe if I let go, I would have the life that I have wanted and the life God has planned for me.

NC9: A picture of your friends

This is going to be tricky. For one, I try as much as possible not to post pictures of my friends without their permission.  Two, I don't want anyone to feel left out.

I've got lots of friends and few close ones.  I cherish every relationship I have. And although, I don't see them that often, they know that they're still my friend and I think about them.

So although, I would like to share with you. I decided not to post any of their picture. I know, it's lame.  What an excuse... I am kind of hesitant putting a picture of myself, let alone my friends.

We've got few bumps on the road together and yet, here we are.. we're still FRIENDS.

I love that I get to see them. Talk to them, share with them, worship the Lord with them and just simply being with them.

I guess I'll just keep this private... (LAME).

NC8: A place you've traveled to

Well, I haven't gone that far, but I have been to several places... not just a place. If country is what the challenge is referring to, one of the most memorable place for me is Singapore... here are some of the pictures.

SINGAPORE:
City of Merlion, Shopping Capital...

Interesting sites:
-  Sentosa
-  Night Safari
-  Clarke Quay
-  Marina Bay Sands Sky Park
-  Singapore Flyer

NC7: Favorite Movies

I love watching movies, regardless of genres. And that includes, horror movies.

I have to admit, I feel guilty spending most of my time watching shown on TV. But I can't  help it. I would rather watch movies than read.

Anyway, these are some of my favorite movies in no particular order.  Mind you, these are not all of my favorite. I have several. I just can't think of them at the moment. There's just too much.

NC6: A Picture of Something that makes you Happy

Picture says a thousand words. Happiness comes from within. God has been wonderful to me, this year and any other year. He had made me realize that joy is a gift and we should all appreciate the presents and blessing He has bestowed in each of us.

I have always wanted to travel. And it is a blessing to have been given such a wonderful opportunity. I haven't gone that far but at it is a start.  Here are some of the remarkable photos from my mini explorations...

NC5: Your siblings

There are only 3 of us, and I'm the middle child. I do not have the "middle child syndrome" though. We have different roles.

What can I say about my siblings?

NC4: Your Parents

What can I say about my parents?

Like any typical parents, they often get in your nerves. They bug you.  They try to manipulate you (what a word? although, that's not exactly their intention).  They often think of what is best for you.  They give unsolicited advice and more often than not, they get mad when you don't listen or ignore their advice.  They love saying "I told you so".

Regardless, my parents are there when I need them. They know when I need something and know when I'm down. They try their best to let me do things on my own and confident enough that they have trained me to be independent. At the end of the day, they love me and I love them.

I can't see myself without them. They gave me life and I owe it to them. My parents love me and will love me no matter what.  Through thick and thin, they will always be there for me.

What more can one say?

NC3: Your First Love

Well, everyone's first love is their parents - their mothers in particular. They are our whole world when we were kids. We ask for their permissions when we play around the house or at a friend's place. Our decisions are based on their opinions.

We are all happy whenever our parents take us out for dinner or at our favorite fastfood place. It is really easy for kids to love.

As the years passed, we mature (somewhat) and develop. Our thinking becomes different from our parents and we start to feel something towards opposite sex.

NC2: Meaning behind your blog name

"The Great Writing Challenge"

Just as the name implies, it is a challenge for me. Writing is a burden. Words doesn't flow easily. It is hard for me to be descriptive and be expressive in my writing. Writing everyday made it seem like I am writing a journal, which I haven't seriously done.

The challenges become even more apparent when it became more personal. I never really wanted to express myself online, only when I need to explain something or want to imply points.

As the days and months passed, the challenge is simple. Just keep writing everyday for 30 days. Like everything else, practice makes perfect. Writing everyday would eventually make me a better writer and a better person as I work on the issues I wrote in this blog. :)

NC1: Introduce Yourself

When it comes to the net, I am a bit paranoid. I don't actually like to expose any of my pictures nor express my true sentiments. I guess, I never really like to reveal myself to strangers. But when you think about it, you will develop life-long friendships when you open up and reveal yourself to people you care about. 

Apparently, I need to write 15 interesting facts about myself which I can reveal to the world (generally speaking).  So here goes...

Missing Links

I have deleted some of the titles here that didn't have any posts.  Doing the usual check-up and maintenance, I guess. It stressed me that there are posts which I haven't gotten the chance to complete. I would probably blame that to the challenge. This had really been a challenge.

When I finally got the nerve and the strength to continue, I lost the links to the topics. Apparently, Blogger was also doing its usual maintenance and check-up too. I forgot to copy the topics and I couldn't go to other blogger links I have posted.

Well, I could see it as a sign to do a new challenge. This challenge just hit me on a personal level that made it hard for me to write anything. I didn't like the topics (you may say). But that's what writers do, they sometimes write what they do not like... ranting!

I hope my way to becoming a writer would eventually be fruitful. But now, I just have to express myself creatively and continue writing! :)

You'll see more of me soon - with pictures.

Unusual Rant

This is an outrage. It has been days since I have updated my blog. I have been posting the Titles everyday but never had anything written in it. ***groaning***

Never realized this is going to be hard. I thought writing what you think will be so simple. I mean, I talk a lot anyway. So writing should be a breeze... NOT!

Topics are becoming more personal, or at least personal to me. It is hard to let yourself out there for the whole world to read. Not ready for that, I guess. Still need to make my thoughts and my writing more generic. :P

The Truth: Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Refer to:  The Truth: Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I don't think i need to explain anymore why. It's basically self explanatory. But should you want more details, you can go to The Truth: Day 10- Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn’t Know.

You probably have figured out why by now.

The Truth: Day 20 - Your Views On Drugs And Alcohol

Like any known diseases, there are cures. Cures that often require help from wonder drugs, alternative or conventional. And we cannot deny its effect. You can call that pseudo effect but still, the drugs helped you at least lessen the pain and make you feel more comfortable. As for alcohol, one to two shots I guess is fine.

In the end, we know that anything excessive is bad. It is us who abuses these products (as you may say). These products are here for consumption, entertainment and for better life. Abusing these products could result to even more problems instead of cures and a bit of entertainment.

The Truth: Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Whoever you are, whatever you do, no matter how hard you try to escape it, people will still look for something to believe into. You may declare your atheist, you do not have religion. But more likely, there is something you believe in... It may not be God, but something.

What do I think of religion?

Regardless of what your religion is, religion for me is what gives you direction as to how you worship, who are you worshiping, and what your worship is about. It gives you guidelines, set of rules. And although most of them are basically hard to understand, it matters because without rules, its chaos. And without doctrines and beliefs, who exactly are we worshiping that is worth worshiping?

What do I think about politics?

I consider myself apolitical. I never really liked politics, because of the politicians. I know no one is perfect but with all the scandals they got involved in, it loses my confidence in politics.

We need government, whether we like it or not. These sets of rules are made to make our society a peaceful, united community and united people. These rules are implemented in order to manage people, an institution and organization.

It is sad that the government and politics are stained because of lousy politicians and their corrupt mentality. If they only have their goals and their objectives in mind and the people cooperate, our community, our world would not be as chaotic as it is now.

As for politics and religion, the rules set by politicians are based from what the religion and God had set. I hope that eventually, all of us cooperate and unite to achieve our societal and governmental goals.

The Truth: Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage

Whoever we are, whatever your preference, we are all allowed to love. It may not be conventional or acceptable to others, but loving someone isn't a crime.

Whatever my views are with gay marriage, one thing is for sure, if you love someone fight for it. As long as you're not hurting anyone, go ahead.

Do I need to say anything more?

The Truth: Day 17 - A book you’ve read that changed your views on something

Kindly refer to:
Day 16: A Book You've Read that Changed your views on something

Nuff said. :) 

The Truth: Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without

I don't know. I guess NONE. If I have a connection with someone, like we bonded, it's always hard to let go. The same with things. If it is something that had value to me, I couldn't let it go.

I could probably go without coffee for weeks or months for that matter. I am not a coffee addict so it's not a loss for me. I can do without certain delicacies because I am a very picky eater.

Not really the thought that I want to convey, but that's exactly what's on my mind at the moment. There is nothing that I could live without. Nothing I want to let go. Everything is special. :)



Sorry.. too short.

The Truth: Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Yeah, I'm kind of shallow. I'm not active either so I often spend most of my time watching TV or internet surfing. I know, not exactly a way to live and spend your waking hours. But that's the routine. I wake up, work, surf internet, go home, watch TV, sleep - the usual routine. I do go out occasionally when someone invites me. But if there's not a need to go out, I'm just at home. I kind of like it.

So I can honestly say that I cannot live without my computer, an internet connection and a television. Of course, there are still the needs like food, shelter, security and everything. But other than those, the most superficial things that I cannot live without are the internet, computer, cellphone (considering I am not fond of texting and calling), and the TV.

As for someone, I cannot live without my family. Awww... I love them. Although we live apart, especially now, I still feel we are together. I cannot live without friends. Not just any friend, FFFRRRIIIEEENNNDDSSS.... well, no one is an island. I tried not being open with anyone. Tried not making friends or not having deep connections with friends, didn't like it. I still made friends and really close ones.

It took me a while to wake up and grow up. I guess growing up will happen whether you like it or not. It's only a matter of time.  Crossing my fingers!!!!

The Truth: Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I don't have a hero but there is someone i look up to that had let me down.

In light of what i feel for you, I dedicate these songs to you:











I'm so sorry...

I promised to write 250-words.. A song probably has more than that. They clearly state what i feel and I guess, this is it. I can't face it but we can't delay the inevitable. :(

The Truth: Day 13 - A Band Or Artist That Has Gotten You Through Some Tough Ass Days. (write a letter.)

I am not very particular with bands nor artists. I do have favorites but I having nothing particular. I just like them all. I do not pay attention with the artists or band, just the songs.

So, this part is hard. I do not know whom to address my letter. A band or artist who has helped me through some rough ass days, hmmm? :P

Should there be one, which one will it be? and I don't know what to say. I'll probably be one of the groupie who would follow them around, mesmerized, tongue-tied and just deeply looking at them. Or it could be like I don't know them at all or would be like "yeah, I know them.. so what?" LOL! Cool!

So my letter to them:


Dear my favorite band or artist:


You may have gotten tons of fanmails and thank you notes from all admirers and aspiring artists that imitates you. Regardless, I just want to let you know how much your music had mean to me. You inspire me to hold on, move on and be in-control. Your music had gotten me through my rough ass days and I have learned a lot.

I hope you will still be able to make such beautiful, inspiring music. I also hope that more people be inspired to it as it had inspired me. Thank you. No words can express my deep appreciation. 

Sincerely,
Bebekoh



Well, I have a lot of favorite artists and bands so I can't exactly tell which one is my most favorite and which one had gotten me through some rough ass days. I'll just make it general. :)

The Truth: Day 12 - Something You Never Get Compliments On

Hmmm... I admit there are just some things that I do not know and I do not care to know. There are also some things I know that I just kept to myself - selfish. Usually, I never get complemented with my looks, personality, and my intelligence? (am i?).. LOL!

I get the occasional remarks like, you're so smart and you look nice.. "Nice!" and "Smart" nothing else. Might as well say, you're average, which is what I am. Not that I have anything against average. I have always been average. Well, I am not the prettiest nor the most beautiful.  I am also not the smartest nor the most intelligent, so its better than nothing. :)

I also never get complimented about my singing voice (like I have). Again, there goes the occasional, "you sound good". There goes my singing career! hahaha! :))

I never really pay attention to complements. In fact, I think it’s our culture that made us modest and not take complements. Everybody loves flattery (who doesn’t). Everyone wants to get praises and complements. But whenever I get complements, I feel like I’m being conceited. When being acknowledged for a job well done by my superiors, I feel that I don’t deserve them.

If I do something, I do not expect complements. If I get it, thank you. If not, it’s all part of the job. So for those who feel like complementing this blog, thank you. If not, thanks for dropping by. At least I know I’m not talking to myself.

The Truth: Day 11 - Something People Seem To Compliment You The Most On

I have previously posted what I think people compliment me on. Honestly, I really have no idea. I think it is better to ask the people who are close to me or the people I deal with everyday. 

They would probably give you a better description of what I actually do best because I can't figure it out. The most certain is whenever I do something, I try to give my best, regardless whether I like the job or not. It's not about the job. It's about me. I know it sounds selfish.

Just to give a glimpse of myself:

I  know I cant please everybody, that’s why i never tried. But whatever I do, I always do my best, even if it means doing something I don’t like. Why? Because it reflects me. I like pretty things, being organized, being in control. I always want to be perceived as someone who knows what to do and do it best. You don’t have to love your job, you just have to love yourself! 

and here:

Day 11: Something about which people seems to compliment you.

I think that's enough. :)

The Truth: Day 10- Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn’t Know

I can't explain why I need to let go of a person from a third person perspective. So just imagine me writing a letter to the one I need to let go... and here goes:

-------

Dear You:

I need to let go of you. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you. You have helped me through rough times in my life and I truly appreciate what you did for me. Things haven't come easy. And, the harder we try, the more I know that things really aren't suppose to be.

I never wished not knowing you. I have loved you so much but I do not think it would be enough for me to consider being with you. It hurts. Everytime I realize that, everytime I think about it, it makes me cry. I have been paralyzed. I denied it. I rationalized it but at the end, the answer is still the same.

You have no idea how much I've prayed for things to work out. I have prayed so hard that things will come back again, things will be the same again. I have become another person and I know you did too. Distance had made me stronger.  It had made you vulnerable, however.

I wanted so badly to be you. I never wanted it to end this way. I prayed for my fondness to return, for the feelings to return. When it did, it is short-lived.

You have to understand whenever I am with you, I am genuinely happy. I never wanted the moment to end. But reality is a bitch. Our life isn't bed of roses and the longer I deny, and prolong my delusion, it will still spell "the end". I am truly sorry.

I wish you happiness. I wish you love. I wish for everything you need to be brought to you.

Sincerely,
Bebekoh

P.S. I am still praying for us.

The Truth: Day 09 - Someone You Didn’t Want To Let Go, But Just Drifted

No one likes goodbyes further more, no one wants to drift apart. Every relationship I had I have cherished whether it is short-lived or life-long. I always appreciate my friends and I often (not all the time) listen to their advice.

People have come and gone in our lives and changed it. I like that they are still out there and know that I am still here for them should they want to regain our relationship.

There maybe a couple of people who I wish I was still friends with, but they chose (not me) to just let it go. I do not know their intentions nor the reasons, we just grew apart. And I have tried to reconnect with them. I looked for them on facebook, asked around about them, tried once or twice to send them an email but with no reply. I just think they're all busy. But I guess it was meant to be.

No matter what I know I'll always remember them. They have made an impact in my life and that's basically what everyone wants in this world. To matter, to make an impact to someone. And I do hope, I have made an impact on them too.

Goodbyes are part of our lives. It's inevitable. It just hurts and that's probably why I do not like goodbyes... only see you later. I do hope to see them all again and let them know how much their friendship mean to me. I hope God oversees them. I pray for their successes, for protection and for blessings to shower over them. And, I'll see you later.

The Truth: Day 08 - Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, Or Treated You Like Shit

I am going to skip this one out. That should be a good thing. No one treated me like shit or made my life a living hell as I didn't allow it to happen to me. I used to just keep my feelings to myself and not talk about it. I always try to be in other people's shoes and think of how hurtful words can be.

Unfortunately, you get passed by and taken for granted if you don't talk. I learned now that you can still say what you want without being rude. I never really believed in treat others the they treat you. LOL! Being diplomatic has its perks. People notice you, they respect you, and they listen. 

Of course, being human makes me vulnerable to outburst which is apparently quite often than i thought especially during that time of the month. It is hell!

So for someone who treated me like shit or made me think that life is hell, I'll pray for you. I would rather be alone than be with someone who made me feel stupid and that I wasn't worth it. Like I'm imperfect and that I was not enough. At the end of the day, I've proved that I am worthy, and I am enough. I do not need someone like that in my life and that I can do it on my own. As a matter of fact, my life has a clearer perspective when I got rid of you. Think of it this way, it's your loss, not mine. My bad... :P

The Truth: Day 7 - Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

Honestly, I would say "Jesus Christ" made my life worth living for. I know, it's such a cliché but that's what I truly feel. Never have I ever thought of suicide nor thinking of giving up as like what I keep saying in previous posts, I know that things will eventually fall into place and things will work out okay if you let God be in control.

I know it is hard to lose control and to have someone else do it for you. But at the same time, it's refreshing. Thinking and knowing that someone will take care of you, will never let you down, will always be there for you, accepts who you are, who wouldn't want that?

I love that I can depend on my God for everything. It may not be acceptable for others and they would probably think I am crazy, but my faith is what kept me sane. If it weren't for my experience with God, I would probably have given up already. My problems may not be considered big compared to others but this isn't a contest and each one of us has a battle to face.

But my God is bigger than any problems. This thought, this philosophy, this faith in a Higher being allows me to sleep better at night and not to think too much of the future. God will never abandon us. He will be faithful to complete His works in you. So even if you set Him aside, brush Him off, ignore Him, He will still be there whenever you need Him. Knowing that my God loves me so much even if sometimes, no – often times, I take Him for granted makes me feel that everything will be okay, and life is worth living for.

The Truth: Day 6 - Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I never really thought this through. I always think about what I have to do but never thought about something that I hope I will never do.

Everyone has goals. Everyone has dreams. Nobody wants nightmares. I consider hoping not to do something a nightmare. Only fear limits us into doing something that we do not want to do.

So I would say the thing that I fear the most is the unknown. And what I hope would never do is, be in a situation where I can't get out - being trapped, being contained, feeling so unhappy. I can say, I would be thinking of a great escape but just in case it wouldn't happen, I will still hope that I could get out of it eventually.

My fears are actually what paralyze me. And I fear that I will never find my happiness. Things I am hopeful for are the things that I have listed on the previous post. My Hope is to get to do all of those things.

I always think that fears can be overcome. Unfortunately for me, it is not something that I look forward to doing. And maybe that is what I hope I do not get to do - facing my fears. Everyone will do it eventually. It may not be today, but I think time will come when everyone has to face their fears.

I do wish I will not do what I am thinking right now. I am not suicidal, that’s not what I was thinking. But my decision will impact my life and it scares me. I just hope someone will forgive me and I hope to be happy someday.

The Truth: Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.

I usually have goals. I don’t know why but I consider myself a planner. I always look at the future and the big picture. I often worry about what would happen a month from now, 6 months from now, next year or in 5 years time.  Some goals are actually quite expensive. Others are just needs.

If there is something I ever hope to accomplish in my life, these are:

-         Have my own home.

A house and lot to be exact. The thing that I have my eye on is in the price range of 1 Million to 3 Million pesos. And if I am ever going to buy it now, it only means, most of my savings and salary will go there as premium payments. Meaning no traveling, no non-sense purchases and no more shopping (or at least, I can only buy the things that I really, really need – nothing else). But this is something I have to think through. Do I really need a home now or not?

-        Traveling.

I have always wanted to travel. I never got the chance because I am scared, as I have indicated in my previous post. I just want to do it while I still can and I can still afford it.

-        Study.

Studying for me is fun. It may be boring for others and stressful, but it is something I kind of look forward into doing again. I’ll probably take up master’s degree.

-         Be a preacher.

I always see myself in the pulpit or teaching others. I probably not have the gift  of preaching  though. Besides, there maybe another way to praise, please and serve God. If God allows it, I know He will find a way to guide me to becoming a preacher.

-        A teacher.

I wanted to teach. Nuff said.

I hope I get to do all of these. :)

The Truth: Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Depending on what you did, I can be lenient or unforgiving when it comes to mistakes. Most of the time, I let things pass when someone does something that I think is really inappropriate and hurt me. But if it is something extreme, I almost never forget. And whenever I am reminded of those faults, all the bitterness, all the anger comes back to me.

There are people who have hurt me. I can’t say I haven’t forgiven them because I do not hold grudge anymore. I probably already have forgiven them. It is true what they say forgive them to make yourself feel better. The more you hold grudge, the more bitter you are. I do not want to live a bitter life.

Just think, if God who has no sin has forgiven us, why can’t we forgive others? Move on. Whatever it is that other people had done to you, forgive them. God is just and will give you what you deserve and what they deserve as consequences to all our deeds.

God is not blind. He sees our sufferings, our sins and everything that is hidden, even things that you’ve been kept for a long time. He knows your thoughts.

Maybe instead of thinking what others have done to you, think about what you have done to others. Have you ever hurt anyone deliberately? Unintentionally? Is it something extreme? Are you vindictive? Always vengeful? If you are, think for a while. Is it worth hurting others? Did it make you feel better? Is it forgivable?

I know that whatever our mistakes or other people’s mistakes are, it is nothing compare to what we did to Christ. Keep forgiving for that’s what the bible says.

The Truth: Day 3 - Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I've done a lot of mistakes in the past. I mean, really big ones. But it is not something I have regretted doing. If there ever is one, it is mine to face. I have to accept the consequences and move on.

As much as possible, I try not to dwell on my mistakes. It just paralyzes me. I do need to forgive myself everytime I consciously make a mistake. I try to give all of my burdens to the Lord and let him do His wonders in it. As I have said in my previous post, I know everything will work out and things will eventually fall into place.

Who doesn’t make mistakes? It is not how you fall but how you rise that matters. Most of the mistakes I have made are rather embarrassing and something that I do not want to share. But if there’s a lesson I have learned from it, is to think things over and over and over before making a life-altering decision. Pray constantly for God’s wisdom and guidance. And listen to that little voice inside your head. If you feel and hear that there is something, there must be something. I often follow my instinct but at that time, I have rationalize things and acted impulsively.

Do I regret it? Yes. But can I take it back? I doubt it. It is something that I need to constantly pray about and accept the consequence. I am really trying so hard to forget it. That’s what I need to forgive myself for. I haven’t thought about something through and that I have to accept the consequence of my action. I know God will guide me so I will let Him do His wonders in me.

The Truth: Day 2 - Something You Love About Yourself

What do I love about myself? I actually do not know. But if there is something that I am sometimes proud of, it is always looking on the bright side. I have managed to brush off things that bothers me and just put it aside. I always have a smile on my face, hiding exactly what I am feeling. Not that there is something major that makes me sad.

I love a good laugh. I mean, real, genuine laugh. I laugh out loud and my friends bare witness to my fondness of a good joke and laugh. My laugh is contagious. You cannot help but laugh whenever I laugh, even if what I'm laughing about isn't exactly funny. Get it? LOL!

See! Even in my posts I manage to have a laugh. And I love it about myself. I never really see things as burdensome. I worry but at the end of the day, I know everything will fall into place and everything will work out fine. That's just how I see things. I realized early that worrying wouldn't get you anywhere. I am fearful. That's why I am often contained. But I know I can overcome.

These perspectives, these philosophies is what I've lived by. I love that I get to know God and that I am experiencing His blessings, provisions, protection and joy.

I love that I am able to see things differently and take things lightly. If there are times that I worry, that's because its human nature and a natural reaction to obstacles. I just know things will work out okay. God will always be with me and He always make me feel alright. And I love that about myself.

The Truth: Day 1 - Something You Hate About Yourself

I must have written it several times now. And I have to admit that it has become tiring to keep repeating myself. But then, it is actually good to write it down. You find something to hate about yourself everytime you write it down and enumerate. I guess, for me, it has been consistent and I can see that my attitude has not changed. But I am working on it.

The thing that I hate about myself...hmmm....

-  well, there's my looks. I am not pretty, i do not feel pretty either.

-  I am a pathological procrastinator. I would keep putting things off until its about time and I'm cramming.

-  Then, there's this need to please everyone.

I may not only be the one who is struggling nor hating themselves over these. But this struggles are mine to face and to overcome. I have realized that I may never be able to overcome them but I know I can make a-peace with it.

For instance, beauty is skin deep (at least that's what I keep telling myself). Eventually beauty will fade. And God looks in the heart while man looks outwardly. I have accepted that I can never be a fashion model, nor a beauty queen but God gave me beauty, in my own little way. At least God will see the beauty in me.

As for the procrastination, I should manage my time more effectively. I can't keep procrastinating. Then, the need to please everyone, hmmm. I have realized that I can't make everyone happy. But if I know, I'm right. I will stand for it.

God didn't try to please everyone either. As a matter of fact, He had a lot of enemies plotting against him. Yet, still perfect and pure and sinless.

Whatever it is that I hate about myself, I will learn to love it eventually. I will eventually learn to overcome each obstacle and make a-peace with things that I can't overcome. I just need to be patient.

Another Challenge: The Business - Thirty Days of Truth

The challenge has now become a burden. It took me a while to finally have the motivation to write again. I just find myself completely blank whenever I face an empty Word Document.

I did try. I am still writing online for as an article writer but not as regular as I want it to be and not in my blog. I guess it become a burden when I realized I am writing something that is not me. That does not reflect me in any way. It is more now of a job than passion.

It wasn’t until a friend of mine took on the challenge and started writing about himself with the 30-day writing challenge. I guess, we all want competition and it motivates us to be the best. I am not saying I am nor am I trying to out-do him. As a matter of fact, I liked what he wrote. I just thought I need to write again, since someone is doing it, same as me.

I found Rebecca Smith’s The Business:  30 days of truth and posted it below. And the challenge for me now is to write the 30 days of truth from the topics draw from her site (Click Here to see topic). Although the topics were also from another site, it is something that everyone can draw inspiration to.

I pray now that I finish the task again. It felt really good to go through the task and finish the race. Nothing beats winning. I hope you go through the challenge with me. You can post your site and I will look at your blog. Regardless, this task is for me. And finishing it is my goal.

God be with me. :)

Great What's: What is your favorite room in your home and why?

My favorite room…  hmmmm... I wanted to say the bedroom but then, I thought about watching TV so I say the living room and then, I wanted to get something to eat, so I need the kitchen. LOL!

I do not really have a particular favorite room but I spend most of my time in the living room. I love watching TV and since the TV is in the living area, I go there. I know that I should spend my time doing something productive so I try to catch a glimpse of the news on TV or in the internet with the TV still on. I like internet surfing and our computer is in the living area… again, the living room.

I am not really a TV addict although, I know so much about TV shows but I guess it is a matter of balance. Balance in the sense, that you still know what to do and would be able to give up TV time and do it.

I still read, quite a few pages of my summer reading books plan on my iPod while waiting for other mates for transport in the bus. I still write my blog, eventhough it is not as frequent as before, whenever I get the chance and have my computer in the living area anyway.

The room I am most comfortable with is the living area. I can sleep there, eat there, watch TV there, exercise, internet surf, read, etc.… all in one room.

Great What's: What is something you do well?

I’m not really sure. I do not think I excel in anything particular, not even in organizing stuff. But whatever it is, I try to do the best at whatever it is I am doing. Sometimes, it is a burden since you want everything to go out smooth and well. Obviously, not everything is perfect.

I like keeping stuff the way it is. I am not a messy person but I am most certainly not very neat. I still leave remnants of stuff I don’t actually use around and it is hard for me to let go. I cannot say I am hoarder since I do not buy that many stuff. As a matter of fact, I do not like shopping. I only go the mall if I need something or if my mom and I happen to be bored.

I do not think it is a waste to buy stuff you like / love. I do not consider myself too attached to the things I buy. It doesn’t define me. But I do not like to let go either, which is ironic. If I do not care that much about my stuff, why wouldn’t I want to let it go?

Anyway, according to others, I excel in organizing stuff. I just like things in order and in place. I want it proportion. As for letters, I like it impeccable. Of course, mistakes happen and then you have to redo it again. I am very critical of myself. I just like things pretty, I want order, I want things organize, even if I’m not.

Great What's: What is something you dislike about yourself?

I guess I have answered it before. From my previous posts, I don't like procrastination, among anything. I keep putting things off for later and then cram as soon as I realize I should  have done it sooner.

I just find that I could have achieved my goals sooner if I didn't procrastinate. I probably am not where I am right now. But then again, there maybe something in store for me and it is not the time yet... hmmm..

Another thing that I dislike about myself is my LOOKS. I admit I am not the most attractive person in the world, not the smartest, not even the most intelligent. I have tons of flaws. Who doesn't? I have screwed up big time and so many times.

But I have become a-peace with the thought that I am not the "most" of anything. I believe that when someone likes me, they like me... no strings attached. They just really like me. There's always going to be somebody much more than me with regards to looks and characteristics. But I will always love myself. 

God made me this way. I do not feel sorry for myself anymore. At least now, I can appreciate and deal with my weaknesses and flaws and work on it. I guess that’s the lesson to everything. There’s always going to be something lacking with you but what you made of yourself with what you have is more important. Don’t you think?

Inspired by the song... "Born this way" by Lady Gaga

I'm beautiful in a way, cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby. I was born this way.

Writing Prompts: Finish this sentence: The best part about writing fiction is...

I found a great site for writing prompts.  They actually sort of train writers to do freelance and get them prepped up for the big world of professional writing.  It is called the Writer’s Digest.

They give advice, writing prompts, tips and sites where they can apply as a writer.  They posts conferences and events that can help writers and build a community.  You can subscribe to their free e-newsletter to get an inside scoop about the newest and most updated trends in professional writing world.

By the way, this is one of the writing prompts posted. 

The best part about writing fiction is:

-         I write so much about a make belief story that I know could happen to me.

-         I can write any characters and make as many of them as I want.

-         I can write a scene from an unknown universe and uncharted territories that I can explore.

-         I can let my imagination go wild.  I can be a cowgirl, a doctor, an actress, an astronaut, a hunter and an adventurer in a wild goose chase. Yup! I can be anyone.

-         I can even project a really, really powerful supernatural power where I can go places I haven’t been.  I can be anywhere and yet still be at the same place at the same time.

-         I can always do the best ending I can ever imagine.

As much as I love fiction, I think I’ll stick with the non-fiction for now. :)

Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself

Dear Bebekoh,

Congratulations for sticking up with your writing. You have finally finished one. Keep it up.

Now that you have finished DanaCreative, you can start pursuing other topics. Keep in mind that what you are doing is to make yourself better in writing and also, to express your gratitude to God through writing. I know that you want to earn through writing and your time will come. Keep trying, keep writing.

God is always with you, every step of the way. Do not doubt yourself. When the trials come, always look upon the Lord and know that He will always be with you. There is nothing you can fear. You can make it all the way. You can succeed.

-       Try to share. What you have is from God. It is only fitting that you share. Remember what Mark Twain said:  "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you believe that you, too, can become great."

-       Strive to do your best always.

“Whatever you do, work it with all of your heart as working for the Lord, not for men because you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord God you are serving.” – Colossians 3:23-24

-       Appreciate what you have and know that God will provide.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

In everything that you do, always remember the Lord. Give praise and glorify Him. He will always be there wherever you are. Stay strong.

Love,

Bebekoh

Day 30: Someone in your family that mean so much to you

I do not want to be unfair but everyone in my family means so much to me. We are not expressive. We are not the touchy-feeling type of family but I am okay with that.

I come from a family of 5 composed of my parents and my 2 other siblings, a brother and a sister. You may say we are not close, but I know that when things get worse, I can rely on them. They will help me out, although, I do not want to be in trouble.

Among all of them, I would consider myself close to my mom. There are times where I just want to strangle her because she is getting on my nerves and I know that sometimes she feels that way towards me too. My dad was not around growing up but now we have a chance to be together, working together. I do not like the mushy moments though, but my dad is so sweet, even if I do not like it. Again, at the end of the day, we are family and we will stay that way forever.

My sister and I tend to be competitive. People tend to compare us. I sometimes feel that they favor her more than me. As we grow older, people, especially our relatives, tend to favor me more than her. I do not know why. Same with my brother, but sibling rivalry were never expressed with me and my brother.

I feel that regardless what people may think of us individually, who they tend to favor more or fond of more, it is still us. We are still family and we are stuck with each other. Every family has screw ups.

Right now, I can honestly say that I all of them mean so much to me.

Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life? (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)

I was always fascinated with reporters. I admire that they can execute factual information and that they get to be on TV. I already brushed the idea of becoming an actress. I know I am not that pretty, but who knows. LOL!  Still hoping.

I like that I get to be on TV even if it is just to convey something. I wanted to be popular. I tried to take Journalism as a major. That was before I graduated high school. I could have gotten the opportunity but I guess God wants me to take another course.

We are not that rich so I know that taking Journalism in a prestigious school is burdensome for my parents, especially with two more children who are also studying. So I ended up taking up business.

I did not regret taking up business. In fact, I enjoyed it. I like my classmates who are now my life-long friends, and still are. Besides, I realize that I can still do journalism, but not broadcast journalism. LOL!

I know now that Journalism does not have to be just on TV. The life of a broadcaster, reporter, and other shows are in their writers. So maybe, if my writing is impeccable and up to their standard, I may land a job on TV as a writer, researcher, editor, etc.

My dreams are just diverted. It became broader but it still directs me to my ultimate goal, which is to continually make myself better and write. I love writing and I see myself being a writer. I know, when time comes, I will become a professional writer, with God’s help , of course. :)

Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life? (What one great thing do you want to accomplish?)

I guess my biggest dream is to be rich. LOL! I mean, who does not want to be rich, being able to afford pretty much everything you like, travel around the world, and open a lot of opportunities.

There are so many things you can do but being rich kind of distracts you from what God wants you to do. I do not feel that it is bad to have something, pamper yourself once in a while, explore and travel. But I think if becoming rich has become your priority, then it becomes a problem.

Another ultimate dream I have is to work at home. I know! It is not easy. It sounds simple. But it is not easy. I like the idea that I get do still make a living even while at home. I do not want to commute everyday because it is stressful. I still get to be with friends and family, especially if I managed it properly, and I go to work even on house clothes.

I just want to support myself and my family while being with them. I know that working in an office setting also helps you and your family but I chose to be working at home, where for me, is quiet.

That is probably the reason why I like to write. I like the idea that I do something I am passionate about and make a living out of it. Again, I still have to establish myself as a professional writer but I am working on it. I know with God’s help, it will all fall into place. :)

Day 27: What is your vocation? (Why are you here on earth?)

I am still trying to figure out what is my purpose. I know that it has something to do with glorifying God, but how? I still have to figure that out. But until then, I am still working on glorifying God in my own way.

I guess all of us have that purpose, to spread the word of God, to have a deep relationship with Him and to worship Him with all our heart. We all have purpose. At the moment, I see myself helping out my parents, be actively involved in church and work.

Oh yes. I know that God gives blessings and provisions but it does not mean, we have to be in our bums and just wait for his blessings. It may apply to others who give their lives to the Lord but for us, we still need to work. Everything that we have, we must earn. God does not want us to be lazy. That is my opinion.

But for those who do his work, He always extends his providence. He will provide for them. I always complain how we do not have much money. But now, I realize everything we have is a blessing.

God gave us strength and health. We do not have any major diseases or illnesses, which is a blessing from the Lord, a real blessing. Health is wealth indeed. We always have food to eat and even more than we can have. We have jobs. I have traveled. It is a blessing. I am not saying others are not blessed but for me, these experiences are from the Lord and He is continually gives us His blessings and I love that He does that for us.

It is only fitting that my purpose is to continually serve the Lord to the best of my ability and to be able to be faithful to Him, and always seek for His wisdom. After all, He had always provided for us and have kept us safe.